Monday, January 4, 2010

I resolve to resolve for YOU

Although the new year is generally a time of resolutions, I tend to not think of it that way. For me, the New Years is indeed a clean slate, but much more than that, its the time of year to remind others that the clean slate means they can fix all of the nit picky things that they have been doing over the year to drive me insane. Think Festivus, with the airing of Airing of the Grievances. Therefore, New Years is not about what I can change (I have many faults, and I resolve to change as issues come to light, not on just one day) but about what those I love and those that operate within my sphere can change FOR ME. I can come up with a few if they are interested, although I don't think they will read my blog so I will have to nudge them all in the appropriate direction by withholding baking and clean laundry.

  • For my children, I resolve for you (boys) to lift up the lid when you go to the bathroom. This will eliminate my shock when I sit down in the middle of the night and get a watery surprise that I didn't ask for. No, I didn't fall in the bowl. I'd be happy to fall in the bowl, as I can definitely catch myself if I am about to hit the water.  I'd like them to lift the lid because I simply don't want to sit in the trail they leave ON the seat when they are sleepy and not paying attention. 
  • For my mother. The term 'crazy cat lady' no longer applies. I prefer "Animal Hoarder" and although I understand that you want to save the feline population one cat at a time, I would also like to come and visit you sometime this year. 6 cats in the house, whether they are in 'transition' or not, makes me want to stay home. 
  • Husband. I love you dearly. Please stop buying up your child hood toys on eBay and other sites.  We have too many action figures, star wars ships, GI Joes, and 45 LP's that don't work on our CD player. They don't make good decor either, because they give off an aura of DUST. I also resolve for you to turn off your two cell phones so I don't have to picture ringing someone's neck at 11 pm when they want to leave you a message about work. 
  • Baby. I resolve that you will enjoy 2 hour naps and sleep better at night. Everything else you do is perfect. 
  • Extended family that live 3 hours or more away. I resolve for you to stop, just stop right now, asking when we are coming to visit. I'm guessing you've never gone on a road trip with 4 kids under the age of 8? I'm not really caring too much that you took us/them on road trips when your kids were little (in the mythical time before car seats and restraining devices, therefore allowing children to run rampant all over said vehicle and pass out on the floor if need be). We've said no, not now, maybe not ever at this point. Acceptance is the key to reality. 
  • People of Costco. Once you pass through the doors, please resolve to keep your stupid comments about how large my family is to yourself. For some insane reason, it appears that each person who enters is given the catch phrase "Wow, you have your hands full" and the directive to go forth and find large families to say it to. You don't get a discount for saying that. Shut up already.
I have more; boy, do I have more. However, I do think that people only change when they come to their own realizations. In that light, I will settle back, nudge occasionally, and wait for another year to have an organized house, a dry toilet seat, and a good nights rest. 

If you have some resolutions for anyone, please feel free to post in the comments. One of my ongoing resolutions is to make more blog friends, because it gets quiet in here *taps on glass* by myself.

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