You've got questions about web sites or computers, I've got answers

I can't even begin to describe how many times a week I am getting asked computer questions these days. Although I have never thought of myself as an expert in anything, I seem to have some knowledge about computers (I prefer Mac), web sites (Oy, don't get me started), and even other things that have a 'Six Degrees of Separation" type of association to web sites and computers. These types of things are:

• Trademarks, patents, and copyrights - I own one of the former, the middle doesn't apply to me, and the latter is a joke. Yet, I do know how to do the paperwork, what to avoid, and how much its going to cost you.
• Email - Why did your email program crash and say you are out of memory? Yes, I know this. 
• Search engine optimization - I know a thing or two about SEO. Most of it I've learned on the job. 
• Web hosting - Ah yes, I know all about web hosting. 
• Suing people - I've tried my hand at suing, and I've won.

So,  this leads me to this weeks blog post. If you have questions about any of these things, however inane you might think that question is, ask me here or email me. I'm happy to answer. By asking you'll give me some help as well, as I am researching a series of articles on these very topics and trying to gauge exactly what people are interested in finding out.

Consider this free tech help, and if you can't think of a question now, ask me later. I'm always here or on Twitter.

3 types of coffee that will wake you up after a sleepless night with your kid(s)

Children are beautiful little creatures. They can also be nasty little people who keep you awake all night. The reasons are plentiful:

• Teething - I'm sure this is God's joke on moms, just to be sure they don't populate too quickly.
• Colds - I find if they wake up 6 times, sniffling and sneezing before midnight, its going to be a rough ride for the rest of the evening.
• Flus - I truly hate the flu, and it never ceases to amaze me how children can stretch from the toilet to the bathtub when necessary. Like that elastic superhero guy whose name I can't recall because he is far inferior to Iron Man. When the kids are, ahem, seated, I direct their heads into the tub. Two portals for catching the goods. To avoid an all-nighter, I recommend rectal Gravol.  Despite how unpleasant it is to administer to a child who is screaming, "NOT MY BUM!!", it really works.
• General Sleeplessness - This is a good one, because there is nothing specifically wrong with the child. I've been going through this for the past year, and its a struggle. This kid likes to wake up a 2 am just for fun, and he will hang out until 4 am if you let him. 

I love my children, and it is because of my babies that I also have developed a love for coffee. I managed to obtain a degree from University without drinking a drop of coffee. Of course, I was able to have 3 hour naps when I wanted them. Pardon me for a moment while my eyes mist over as I remember those lovely, lovely naps. SIGH.

As my two older kids can testify, they have come to know the rules about talking to mommy before the coffee maker has created its secret brew. I've been doing this sleepless night thing for almost 9 years, so I know a thing or two about coffee. In no particular order, let me share with you my top three for reviving my sagging spirit after a sleepless night with my kids.

Starbucks - I'm not talking about the froo froo beverages like double vanilla lattes with soy milk whatevers. I do like those, but they don't jolt me awake the way a tall Venti drip does. There is something wonderful in Starbucks drip coffee. You are also a very lucky person if you get to drink it IN the Starbucks, which I never do. I take it from the drive through whilst listening to screaming from the back seat and being pelted with shoes.

Tim Hortons - What sort of addictive drug do the makers of this coffee put in their drip blend? Even after the most sleepless night, and I mean 5 minute snatches of sleep between 1/2 hour wakeups, Tim Hortons will zap me to attention. I've attempted a Tim Horton's marathon during which I drink as many large coffees as I could handle in one day.  At some point during that day I developed a nasty ear ache in both ears and crashed, open mouthed on the couch during an episode of The Wiggles. When I woke up my 7 year old said he had thought I was in a coma.  So much for caffeine overload.

Dunkin Donuts Turbo Blend - You can't buy this in Canada.  We do not have the privilege of having a Dunkin Donuts. I only have access to this secret blend because I am able to cross the border and shop in Washington.
I think it must be contraband or possibly not approved by the FDA. I have snuck into Fred Meyer in Bellingham and purchased a bag here and here, just for those special mornings when my Tinkerbell mug needs refilling about, um, 20 times.  The bag provides you with detailed instructions on how to create the super-duber powered drip in your very own coffee maker. It is tasty if made incorrectly. If made the way they instruct, it has rocket fuel capabilities. And therefore so do I.
I believe that it also gives my tongue the ability to grow hair, but I may be mistaken.

I know people who drink tea. Green tea, black tea, herbal concoctions.  I also know people who down Monster energy drinks like they are water. I'm happy to simply drink coffee, and as long as my kids are kids, I'll keep drinking it. I imagine when they are teenagers they will drive me to drink other things, so I better enjoy this stage while I can.

How to share technology with your Grandparents OR Beam me up, iPad

I have two Grandmas. They both live in Saskatchewan, and have lived there all of their lives. My 102 yr old Grandmother recently passed away, so this leaves me with one Grandparent. My Grandma P is what is known as 'Quite the Piece of Work."

My fondest memories are of when we would talk about superstitions. She firmly believed that if you dropped a fork, company would be coming from that direction. If a cat howled under your window at night, it meant there would be a death in the family. If you put your shoes on the table, there might be a death in the family. Yes, it seems silly, but it really affected me. Watch out in my house if you put your shoes on the table. Not only is this unsanitary but I'm immediately concerned for your well being. And don't even come near me if the cat is prowling around outside looking for birds and meows from the back yard at the EXACT moment you put your shoes on the table. This would probably be followed by a few Hail Mary's and a frantic dash for the rosary. No, I'm not religious. This superstition stuff runs deep.

When my brothers would bring those dollar store plastic snakes and spiders to her farm, they'd leave them in strategic places for her to find. When she did find them, much apron flapping and screaming would occur, upon which she'd pronounce the toys "The Devils Work", and we'd laugh hysterically.

This brings me to the iPad. This cute piece of futuristic technology was the topic of a long distance conversation recently. I don't know about you, but I spent many a evening with my parents and/or my Grandma watching Star Trek reruns (or first runs, depending on what year this could possibly have been and the fact that I had no idea what I was watching).  At least once per episode, someone would randomly tap at the communicator/hand held computer and either beam someone up or analyze the surface of the planet that they accidentally landed on but was currently populated with hotties (insert scene with Captain Kirk, that sexy beast, and you have my Grandma trying not to swoon over her knitting). Occasionally these shows would prompt a discussion about aliens, and once in awhile we'd focus on that communicator and how people would 'beam up' in the future.

I've had my iPad for awhile, and it occurred to me that Grandma might like to know about it. I don't think she gets the technology gossip in Saskatchewan, because unless Tommy Hunter is still on TV, I don't know what she watches.  And so, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Grandma, I have to tell you about this new portable computer I have. You operate it by touching the screen.  It plays music and games, and its just like those computers on Star Trek.
Grandma: Eh? I can't hear you
Me: GRANDMA. I HAVE A TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTER, LIKE STAR TREK. I CAN HOLD IT IN MY HAND AND TAP IT.
Grandma: Oh. (Silence)
Me: Its really cool. I'll bring it with me when I come and visit. Its just like Star Trek.
Grandma: Star Trek? You mean you can beam here? Are you here now? Where are you?
Me: Umm, no. I can't beam there. No, its not like that. You can just touch the screen.You know, how we used to talk about what the future would be like? This is just like that computer on Star Trek.
Grandma: God didn't intend for people to beam anywhere. You shouldn't be beaming. That's the devils work.
Me: No one is beaming anywhere. I just think its cool that you don't need a keyboard? *struggling for an explanation here* You can just touch the screen. Tap it and it works.
Grandma: So you aren't here?
Me: No, I'm at home. I'm not there.
Grandma: Sounds like the devils work.

End conversation.

As you can see, there is clearly a generational gap in understand new technology. I could have gotten really technical with it, but I lost her at beaming, so there was no point.

Moral of the story: When explaining new technology such as the iPhone, iPad, and iTouch, please refrain from using references to Star Trek, especially if your Grandparents are of the Religious variety.

The difference between Macs and PCs, as explained to my mom

My mom is not the most techo savy person you will ever meet. She's 59 now, and the first time she picked up a mouse she literally picked it up and smacked it back down on the mouse pad. I had to restrain her from constantly picking it up to get it to move. When my son was 2, he had better computer skills than my mom has now (he really was amazing, and still is. He was downloading apps before his older brother, and I've trained him to look for the word 'free').

When it came time for my mom and dad to buy a computer, I was the one who did the research for her. She bought a PC from Best Buy. Well, essentially I bought the PC online and had it shipped to her. She managed to put it together.

Since that time, I have done many hours of tech support for my parents. I've done it with no prior knowledge of Windows Vista (which I can't stand, just by proxy), and I'm now more convinced than ever that older people should own a Mac.

My mom asked me why I thought Mac was better, and I began to rattle off about operating systems, system files, and those pesky cab files where viruses can hide on a Windows computer. Her reply?

Huh?

So I guess I went over her head a bit there. Then it hit me, the easiest way to explain Mac's vs. PC's is to say this:

Imagine a pond. It's a clear pond, and you can see right to the bottom.

Imagine the pond is a Mac computer. All of the programs you install are shaped like leaves. Throw the leaves on the pond. See how they float? They never sink, and they just float along the surface of the pond.

Do you want to remove one of the programs? Ok, just pick up the leaf. Pick it up and toss it away. See, no more leaf, no more program. Nothing left over, its all just gone. Isn't your pond beautiful? And so easy to keep looking beautiful too! Such a lovely, high definition pond.

Now, imagine that the pond is a PC. Instead of leaves, the programs are tiny handfuls of rocks.

Throw the rocks in the pond. Watch them sink to the bottom. You can still see the rocks, right? And if you threw them in the same spot, most of them will be relatively close to each other.

Now try to remove a program. Get down into the bottom of that pond and dig for those rocks. You might think you had all of the rocks, but wait, there is another one over there. Stupid rocks flew all over the place when you threw them in. Dig under that pile of sand for the missing rock. Got it!

Oh oh, you took out an extra few rocks when you were digging. No, that wasn't just excess fish crap, that was an important rock. Now the pond is acting all wonky. Bubbles are coming up from under the sand, and those are some stinky, stinky bubbles.

Get the picture?

My mom sure did. I'm shopping online for her first Mac now.

Disney's Grand Californian Hotel - My personal review

The year was 1978 and I was 7 years old. I had just flown (back when you could smoke on airplanes, I remember there was a haze the entire time!) from Saskatchewan in the dead of winter with my parents and brothers for a family trip to Disneyland.

I remember walking into the lobby of the Disneyland Hotel and just being awe struck. It seemed so huge, with its palm trees and pillars. We stayed in a bungalow off the pool area, and although my mom says that the pool was empty, I remember lying out on the chairs and suntanning. The trams would pull up right to the hotel, and you could see Disneyland from way across the parking lot. We took the monorail once, but my mom preferred the tram for some reason.

The pool area from one of the upper decks

I've been to Disneyland many, many times since then, but we never stayed in a hotel on site. It was always prohibitively expensive, and although I knew it would be amazing, I just couldn't reason out the expenditure. This time though, was different. To celebrate ten years of marriage, my wonderful husband gifted me with a 5 night stay at the Grand Californian Resort at Disneyland. (BTW, I was not given compensation for this review, although if there are any Disney execs out there that need a writer, I'm here!)

We had what was possibly our best trip there ever, despite the fact that I have four kids in tow, and the reason was entirely the hotel. Yes, there were nit picky little things that I could harp on, but the fact is you pay for the experience of being there, and that alone was worth it.

First off, the location is ridiculous. You walk out the private entrance straight into California Adventure. The Grizzy River Ride was right in front of my room, and I could see Soaring over California and the fireworks every night from my deck. Sitting on that deck, I felt like I was IN the park, even when I wasn't. Because you have a private entrance, you can get Fast Passes for the World Of Color before the general gates of the park open. Downtown Disney is just off the side entrance. We spent many nights just walking around there.

We took a day off and spent a lot of time in the hotel. One afternoon the kids went on a Scavenger hunt. At the end of it, the prize was a Mickey Cookie from the White Water Cafe. Every afternoon there is a story teller that reads bedtime stories to the kids in front of the fire, and there is a little waiting area for the kids to watch cartoons while you check in or out. If you were tucking your kids into bed each night, you can watch Disney TV and have a princess read a story to the kids. We saw an episode where Cinderella read, as well as one with Belle. They also have channels that go through each attraction one by one, as well as broadcast the fireworks music. 

Although the room itself was on the small side, there was a queen bed with super comfy linens and a bunk bed with a trundle bed at the bottom. The bunk will sleep three. The bathroom area was nice, with 2 sinks, but the tub was really tiny. Each room has a Pack n Play in the closet, in case you want to put baby in there (not in the closet, in the pack in play).

One of my favorite room touches was the lanterns flanking the bed. They had a dimmer switch, so each night we'd dim them enough to provide a night light. It was very cozy. I think I need a dimmer switch and wall sconces now. It felt like being in a log cabin. Every night before bed the housekeeping staff would come in and turn down the blankets, adding a pile of chocolate coins to our bed. The kids LOVED that.

When you stay in a Disney resort, you get a 'key' to Disneyland. Meaning, CHARGE IT!!! Everywhere they'd take a credit card, they'd take my card. Now if I could only do that without having to pay the bill at the end. Hmmmm....

Whenever they would address you on the phone or in person, they'd say "Welcome Home, Wutke family." Although it felt like being on an episode of Extreme Home Makeover, I just really liked that touch.

Wireless internet and self parking are included in your room fee. That's always nice, no matter where you stay. So many hotels on that strip charge parking AND internet.

Something that perhaps people don't know when staying in the Disney hotels. You can pool hop! We spent the afternoon at the Neverland Pool at the Disneyland hotel. I hadn't been back since I was a kid, and although it was completley different, it was very cool just to be there.

It was an amazing experience, and I only had a few, very minor issues. One, the pool was so crowded that it was unpleasant to be there. Its not like the hotel can control that, or the children who thought that diving and kicking me in the head was funny. They have comfy reclining chairs and a full valet/bar service.

I loved hearing the crowds at night and seeing the happy people while I was sitting on the deck. If you don't like noise, you might not like the park view rooms. I loved opening the doors in the middle of the night and just hearing nothing but the crickets (or the recording of crickets. They actually play recorded owls and insects when you walk their lit paths at night).

The baskets of linen outside our door

The blankets on the bunk beds were a bit worn. I expected a bit more plush bedding. As I said before, the rooms were a bit on the small side, but the closet was huge. I turned that into a small theater for the kids one night when I was trying to get the baby to sleep.

Staying on site let me find out if one of the 'urban myths' of Disney is true. I've heard that there are a ton of feral cats living at the resort, and that they are fed by the night staff. One night I opened the deck doors after the park had closed and I saw a bunch, probably about 5 or 6, of cats just sauntering down the road in front of the Grizzly River Ride. It was hilarious! I wish I had taken a picture.  

I truly feel as though this hotel was worth the money, because you pay for the location and the EXPERIENCE of it all. I don't think I can go back to staying in a strip hotel (sorry, honey!)

Next up on the blog, my list of the best places to feed baby in the park.

More vids

This one is with Woody and Jesse playing with the boys baby Buzz and Baby Woody. So funny.

Nico busts a move to California girls. Sorry for the sideways view, I had no idea what I was doing while taping. He was really getting into it.

A few videos

I took these with my iPhone, so they are narrow. This is, of course, before I figured out how to turn the camera SIDEWAYS to get the widest screen. Duh.

A clip of the beach on our way to San Francsico. This is why I say that everyone should take a road trip like this with their kids. We just pulled over and had an amazing time.