Saving money on Christmas gifts this holiday season

Is it truly possible to save money at Christmas time? Its so easy to get into the mood to spend money, what with children begging for toys and festively decorated windows just begging you to drop your credit card off and the door and go crazy. I'm not going to tell you not to spend your money, because at Christmas that would be pretty silly advice. What I will share with you is a few tips I've picked up along the way to save you some money when Christmas shopping. These are specific to Canadians, simply because our economy is different than that of the USA, and also specific to buying toys, because that is what is on my mind today:

• Shop online: Yes, I know that most of you shop online, but I've seen quite a few people  who get consistently shop online and do not know how to save money. Sign up for newsletters and coupon blasts from Disney.com and ToysRUs.com. Granted it is super annoying to get a new email advertising their sales every single day, but occasionally there is a real gem in there. Frequent these sites every single day, and you will be rewarded with better savings. 
• Ship USA: Most people simply click the button that says "Ship to my Home" without thinking. Don't do that. If you live near a border city, you can take advantage of domestic USA shipping. For example, Vancouver is located near the Washington border, so many of us have mailboxes in the USA. Big websites often give out free shipping when you purchase over a certain limit. Simply cross the border and pick up your packages. It generally costs about $5 to pick up a box from a company that provides shipping. It is a bit more hassle than having it arrive at your door, but the money you save makes it worth it. 
• Visit resale shops: If you have little people, say under the age of 5 for example, you can score great stuff that has been gently used in a resale shop. A specific example of a great place to shop for cool toys is Toy Traders in Langley, BC. You can also look through Craigslist for great deals. Big ticket items, such as Train Tables or Play Kitchens are often barely used, so grab one of these and stuff it under your tree this year. 

I only blog when inspiration strikes, and today I was inspired to help you save money. Have a happy holiday! 

Vacation, thy name is insanity

The first few days back at school after a week off is brutal. The kids are tired, I'm tired, and I wake with some very difficult to lose thoughts of just calling in and taking another day off with them. It's not like they aren't whiny, arguing, or bored. Mostly it's that I'm lazy, and the driving back and forth to get them all where they need to go is actually worse sometimes than having them all home. Luckily for me, 2 out of 4 have Croup, so I have an extra solider at home today. Again.

Sending them back to school got me thinking about vacations in general, and then led me to reflect on a few vacations that we've had in the past that were less vacation, more mini-massacre. Thousands of people travel across the USA and Canada every year with their children, some take their kids to Europe, Australia, or Africa. I've never been THAT ambitious, but I still like to take the kids out and show them the world if I can. Generally this ends us up at Disney, but as they grow older I want to show them other parts of the USA as well. I really believe that everything you need to teach a kid about the world exists right in the USA. At any rate, most of our vacations have been in the California and Florida regions.

We haven't been back to Florida in 4 years. Partially this is due to economics and it being less expensive to go straight down the coast to Cali than it is to fly across to Florida. Also, I am a horrible flyer, as I've discussed on the old blog here, and the flight to Florida is 4 hours to Dallas plus almost an other 2 to Orlando. Scary stuff.

As I am a varied freelance writer, I've been asked to write about everything from plumbing to recreational skiing. As such, I have copied below my travel article about Orlando and our trip there in 2006.

Walking off the plane in Orlando holding two small hands and a 5 month old on my hip, I am struck by the instant theme park feeling that you get from just being in the airport (maybe that is because I was covered in vomit from the flight, from the baby, not me). Within the first five minutes of landing, you are taken with the crowd to the monorail that leads to the baggage area, and my children are thrilled at their first 'ride' of the trip. It was 9 pm Orlando time, which was only 6 pm in Vancouver, but time changes mean nothing to people who fly with children. 4 hours on a plane can equal 10 hours of actual time at home, so if they weren't exhausted I certainly was.

After getting our 10 bags and car seats (back in the time before extra baggage fees), we discovered that our double stroller had been broken by the baggage handlers. The American Airlines department of broken strollers was staffed by a semi-crazy lady with a bad attitude, so we quickly grabbed a damage claim form, our now wonky stroller, and get out of there.

Pulling up to the hotel after the chaos of the flight and airport, I look for the tropical oasis surrounded by palm trees that was advertised online. At the very least, I had the palm trees to look forward to. Unfortunately, I got to look at them from the back of a parking lot and through some very dirty windows. This hotel did not live up to the photos online at all. Not only was it in what I would call a 'sketchy' part of town that was sort of close to Disneyworld, the room itself was the size of my closet and had a rugged double bed that had seen better days and a kid's 'cabin' that was at the most a hole with bunk beds and at the least a place my kids didn't want to sleep.

I felt guilt, I really did, and I would have left instantly if my brother hadn't already prepaid and was on his way to Florida the next day. Word of advice: Disney value priced resorts are actually the same price as many of the places just outside the gates. Don't waste your money on a hotel 'deal'. You'll get what you pay for and then some.

Waking the next morning to pounding rain, I thought I was back in Vancouver.  It took going out into it to realize that the rain in Orlando had bigger drops. I swear one drop completely covered my 3 year old son when he put a toe on the pavement. All worries were erased once we drove through the gates of Disneyworld, and because I've been to Florida before, I fully expected the rain to stop.

Walking from the parking lot to the shuttle, we got completely soaked. The month was May, so the expectation of summer heat was there. This was Florida after all, but expectations do not a warm day make. On the shuttle, the breeze was blowing, we were all soaked, and were were blessed with teh miserable misfortune of being dressed as though it was August. By the time we departed that shuttle, my kids were blue and I was ready to call it a day.

We hopped on the monorail that took us to the Magic Kingdom and the first thing we did was buy $8 'rain jackets'. These were essentially ponchos with Mickey's face on them. I could fashion the same from garbage bags, but it wouldn't have that Mickey face so there really is no point in competing. I also have to buy a $20 towel at the Buzz Lightyear ride, because my baby was freezing to death and soaked. Great pictures of him wrapped in that towel, because Mom was too silly to pack an extra blanket. You can't tell here, but 3 year old's lips are as blue as that shirt.

We went in and out for the rest of the day, and even left for a bit so we could nap at the craphole, er, hotel. We stopped at Albertsons for some groceries to save a bit of money, but most of what we buy in stores when on vacations seems to go to waste. Disney tip: Not sure if they provided this service back then but Albertsons will now deliver groceries to your hotel. This is great, especially if you don't have a rental car and are staying just on Disney property. We spent the evening at the Magic Kingdom, and it quiet, dry, and a lot of fun.

Our 2nd day was back at the Magic Kingdom with my brother and his family. Every trip with my brother involves him not wearing sun screen and getting a whopper of a sun burn. This time was no exception. It was hotter than hades, and due to our rain day the day before, we were unprepared. I don't remember much of this day, sunstroke had me by 4 pm. Disney tip: Buy your own sunscreen. If you buy it at the park, it's double the price and by the time you put it on it's too late.

If it were up to me, I'd be in the parks from opening to closing every single day. Unfortunately I was with a bunch of party poopers, and they dragged me back to swim in the hotel pools. I thought that perhaps this was the only redeeming quality of the hotel. The pools were huge and fairly empty. We thought it was odd to discover that they had salt water in them, but the kids enjoyed themselves and that was all that mattered. HOWEVER, I recall that each child took a hit of the salt water in the mouth. I am convinced that this is what caused what I like to call "The night of a thousand pukes," which followed shortly after the ingestion of the water. Disney tip: Don't drink salt water. 

All went well until our last day at the Magic Kingdom. Daughter woke up with an upset stomach, and didn't want to go to the park. I thought that was really strange, because she's normally as gung ho as I am and it was our last day. We put her in the stroller and did a bit of touring the Animal Kingdom. Once again, blistering hot and packed full of people. The strong stench of animals filled the air as well, so it was no surprise when she threw up right by the train. Within 2 seconds a cast member was on their radio saying, "We've got a protein spill by the Animal Safari." Good job Disney! It was cleaned up within 10 minutes. I guess a little vomit kind of ruins the illusion of the happiest place on earth. Disney tip: Throw up at the parks. They will clean it up for you. If you want a nice little spot to be sick, I recommend the shady areas at the haunted mansion.

We packed the kiddies up and headed back to the hotel. By this time she was getting sicker, and I knew she had to get out of the sun. I felt guilt bringing her back to that hotel, as it was a disgusting place to be when you are ill. By 5 she seemed to be feeling slightly better, so my SIL and I took the babies and headed back to Hollywood studios for a look around.

It was truly bizarre that we walked straight into Star Wars Weekends. I had no idea. Husband says after that he knew it was there, but when I talk about how I sat on a fighter bike and saw the Stormtroopers dancing, a strange look passes over his face and I know that it's time to shut up.

I did see StormTroopers dancing, and I also saw that bounty hunter guy, but the rest of the park was not crowded so I wanted to get away from all of the insanity and go see other stuff. We took turns watching the babies so we could go on the Tower of Terror (much better in Florida) and bought a few souvenirs.

Heading back to the hotel, I found that daughter was still throwing up and son was getting sick. Not good. By 11 pm, I had two pukers and one who was doing a shuffle dance between toliet and bathtub. There was vomit everywhere. EVERY.WHERE.

By 3 am, my 5 month old started to develop a fever and throw up. Here we are, in some crappy hotel in the middle of Florida, with no Advil or Gravol and three seriously sick kids. My husband made a video at this point of us laughing hysterically. It was too bizarre. This is where the vacation took a downturn and never rebounded. Fevers, chills, throwing up, and other bodily functions were abounding. I used every single towel in that room and then asked for more. We were checking out, so I had to bundle them up into the rental car and clean the room, but I gave up after 10 minutes and settled for just getting out the door.

Our next stop was my aunt's house in Tampa for a graduation party. I'm not sure she'll ever want us to visit again. 3 year old threw up orange gatorade on her new rug. 5 year old spent half the day in the bathroom, and I never even got to socialize as I was rocking, wiping, and taking care of the kids the entire time.  We spent some time in a walkin clinic with 3 year old, where I analyzed his symptoms and asked the doctor what we should do. He asked if I was in the medical field myself, as I seem to know a lot. I swear, that was my first smile in 3 days.

We spent a few hours at the beach in Clearwater. I'd been before, but my daughter loved it. 3 year old and 5 month old spent the entire time sleeping on a blanket under an umbrella. Our flight home was the next day. To say I was grateful that the vacation was over was an understatement.

On our flight home, 3 year old finally came back to life. Unfortunately my daughter left her stuffed kitty on the airplane, and we didn't discover that until we were through customs. I immediately called them and they directed me to lost and found. A word of advice: If you leave it on the plane, it's gone. American Airlines couldn't possibly have a lost and found. Their cleaners pick it up, throw it in the garbage, and that's it. You'll never see it again. Serafina kitty was long gone. It was a crappy end to a 'interesting' vacation.

The moral of this vacation story? Hmmm, I don't have a moral. Wait, wait, I do have one: It is POSSIBLE, if not PROBABLE for you to be miserable at the happiest place on earth. Lower your expectations people, don't drink salt water from the pool, and bring your hand sanitizer.

Conflict Resolution - Mom style!

As I drove my kids home from school the other day, I listened with half an ear as my six year old recounted his experience with show and tell that day. He had struggled that morning with what to bring, and came to the door armed with two teddy bears that he’s loved since he was a baby. Thinking more along the lines of him not having room in his bag and not what bringing bears to school could do to a boy in Grade One, I steered him in the direction of a family photo recently taken in front of the Mickey Pumpkin during our last trip to Disney. Of course I am distracted as we get his bag into the car, and it wasn’t until after school that I realized he did sneak his coveted ‘Buzz Bear’ to school that day. Showing the bear off to his friends, he was quite surprised to see his friend ‘Joe’ cover his mouth with his hands and laugh. I looked in the review mirror as he showed me what the kid did to mock him, and was instantly irate.

“Joe is a tool”, said I, before thinking it through and realizing what came out of my mouth.

“He’s a WHAT??” asked my son. Helpfully, my 8-year-old daughter explained, “Mom thinks he’s an idiot.”

Oh my. This is when it hit me. I have not done a very good job hiding myself from my kids.

I understand that, in the grand scheme of things, my children live with me in my house and are therefore going to be exposed to the unavoidable verbal onslaught that often comes with my day-to-day life. I have four children, life is stressful, and I don’t generally hide that.

It made me start wondering how much of our real personality we hide from our children, and which is better? Full disclosure with slight modifications, which is generally the way I go or the attitude that we can protect our kids from the world just by the way we react. Never is this more important than when dealing with life’s little issues, which have the effect of a massive roof caving in snowball when left unattended.

Let’s take an example. You are fighting with your husband and it’s about money. Things start to get very heated. Do you take it behind closed doors, knowing that your older children are probably eaves dropping and leaving them out there to fend for themselves or do you argue in front of them, committing yourself not to raise your voice but clearly expressing your anger? 1950’s style Mom would not say a word, continue to clean up from dinner, and if needed, would discuss the matter after the children are in bed. From experience, I don’t know many women who would be willing to wait to have that discussion, especially as everything in our lives is currently so busy and urgent that if you wait, your little chat may never happen.

Should children see us arguing or dealing with conflict? I say yes, but I temper that with moderation.

If you shield them from these types of situations, they will grow up and be shocked as they see other people outside of your home deal with conflict. You will then have missed your opportunity to teach them the correct way of solving a problem. Not only that, I really believe that because it would be so overwhelming to be suddenly thrown into dealing with big issues, they will avoid conflict like the plague. I call this the “head in sand” approach to conflict, and I’ve seen it in my husband and other family members. I don’t like it, and I don’t want my kids to grow up like that.

When they see us dealing with problems, they will soon realize that there is almost always a solution. You can have an argument in front of your kids, deal with it by talking it out in a heated manner, then show them that the problem is solved and move on.

The key here? The problem was solved.

Life is full of problems both big and small, you can’t keep them in a bubble. Children, from a very early age, need to know how to deal with that.

I tend to say what I think in front of my children. If a teacher sends home a rude note about not practicing sight cards enough, I have a hard time biting my tongue and not discussing this with my husband immediately upon reading it. Being the happy little eavesdroppers that they are, they listen in and then ask me questions as to why I am unhappy about the note. What do you say to that? Should I lie? As I have a very strict ‘No Lie Policy”, it’s not something that I would consider. I simply explain that not everyone does nice things, that my opinion is clearly different from the teachers, and that I am going to deal with the situation. What do they learn from this? Once again, Mom has a problem but she’s taking are of it.

I am the way I am as a parent because I’ve been exposed to the extreme opposite of conflict resolution. I grew up in a family where an argument would last for hours and occasionally punches would be exchanged between family members. Yes, that was scary for a little kid growing up. I had real worries as a five year old, including if that argument between dad and my uncle never stopped, someone was going to get a black eye. Yelling was second nature to me; it was how people expressed themselves. What I never, ever saw was a solution to a problem. I grew up thinking that maybe it wasn’t possible to deal with stuff, that huge black clouds hung over our heads for years and years, never to let up.

In contrast, my husband’s family does not fight and argue. They may have had heated arguments or disagreements, but once they did the blinders would go on and everyone would pretend it never happened. For me, it’s like being stuck in a vortex. Not keeping talking about it? Not acceptable! We have to beat this issue to death.

For my children, I have taken what I experienced and armed with my Psychology degree, have come to a middle ground. I will not shield them, but I will not pretend it never happened either. If they are occasionally exposed to my true beliefs about their friends, teachers, or what have you, I will temper that by sitting them down and explaining why I feel that way and that my feelings do not represent everyone. I encourage my kids to talk about what they are feeling, and if they think that their friend Joe is a tool, I let them say that as well. Just as long as they don’t say that in class!

I know there are a lot of moms out there like me, who need to find the middle ground between how they were raised and what they know is right. As far as I am concerned, it starts with how you express yourself to your children. I don’t hide myself or my feelings from my kids. When trying to figure out a problem, I ask myself what I would be teaching them by avoiding the problem altogether.

Nothing.

Then I ask myself what I would teach them by screaming about it for hours and hours.

Once again, nothing.

Remember: Sand is for building sandcastles, not for hiding from the world. Keep your eye on the prize and find the happy middle ground that is your children’s future.